Title: The Last Applicant
Rating: G as G can be
Prompt: As a birthday gift/prank James puts an ad on the board of all houses saying that Remus is looking for a date for the next Hogsmeade visit to celebrate his 17th birthday. Remus finds out that he has quite a few admirers, and Sirius is not amused (for _deia). There was no way all of that would fit in a drabble. 550 words.
"James," Sirius said; and that seemed to cover everything, so he said it again, a little more urgently. "James."
James looked up from the latest issue of Beaters Unleashed!. "Yes?"
Sirius surged to his feet and began pacing between the beds. "This ad you put up, James. Raffling off Remus' virginity–"
"Just a Hogsmeade date, Pads."
"Remus is a serious person, we both know what it could lead to."
"Remus being happy?" James suggested, turning the page.
"Remus shouldn't be happy with one of those, those… applicants."
James snorted. "He seemed happy enough when I gave him the applications. He was humming. There were nearly forty."
"Forty." Sirius sank down on his bed.
James threw his pillow so that it hit Sirius in the ear. "Why don't you put in an application if you're so worried about Remus'… happiness?"
Sirius lobbed the pillow back and summoned a quill and parchment. "I don't know what to say."
"Most of them," James said, "mentioned what they liked about Remus, and why they thought they'd be a good match, and some of them said things like your arse is adorable." Sirius stared at him. James shrugged. "I don't recommend using that line if Remus is anything like Lily," he added, pointing to the green scales that were just fading on his forehead.
"Right." Sirius sucked on his quill and then wrote, haltingly, for five minutes. "I don't suppose you'd take this down to him?"
"On your own, mate."
Sirius sighed again, the inkstains on his face and hands making him look slightly mad. He walked down to the common room and crossed to where Remus sat at the far table, which was covered with parchments. Remus looked–damn it–happy. Very happy.
"Remus," Sirius said, and set the parchment down just slightly out of Remus' reach. "One more application."
"My eyes are tired," Remus said, and patted a spot on the bench next to him. "Read it to me, would you?"
"I'd really rather not," Sirius said, but Remus gave him an impatient look, so he sat. "You didn't make any of the others mortify themselves."
"I like making you mortify yourself," Remus said with what might have been a smirk.
Sirius unrolled his parchment and cleared his throat. "'What I like about you is pretty much everything. Why I think we'd be a good match. I don't think I do.'" He looked up. "I had to think about that one–look at all the lines I crossed out. But I decided to be honest. Because I thought, well, you'd prefer that. Anyway." He looked down again. "'I don't think we'd be a good match because I know you can do better, and you probably should do better, even though I wish you wouldn't. Because I love you.'" He rolled the parchment up again and handed it to Remus. "It's probably the shortest one of the lot–look, Mattie Brewer's written at least four feet–you really could have read it yourself."
Remus was watching him, head a little on the side, and smiling faintly. "I wanted to hear what you had to say," he said quietly. "Tell me again on Saturday, when we go down to Hogsmeade?"
"Right," Sirius said, simultaneously grinning ear to ear and turning bright red. "Anytime, Moony, anytime."