the maddest house cookbook

(and Harry Potter-Black's)
Sirius Black's Dead-Easy Cookbook


Drop Scones

100g flour
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 1/2 tsp cream of tartar
1 egg (Pads: you can replace the egg with 2 tbsp water + 1 tbsp oil + 2 tsp baking powder or 1 tbsp ground flax seed simmered in 3 tbsp water) Stop writing in my books!
150 ml milk (soy)
Salt or sugar if you like that sort of thing
Berries or dried fruit

1. Sieve the flour, soda, and cream of tartar together.
2. Beat the milk and egg (substitute!) together and pour over the dry ingredients, stirring just until moist (do not over-stir).
3. Heat a pan or griddle and oil lightly.
4. Drop batter by the spoonful onto the pan and add berries or dried fruit. Turn over when bubble appear on the surface and cook until browned on the other side.
5. Remove from pan and keep wrapped in a clean tea towel until ready to eat.


Just-Like-Magic No-Chill Gingerbread Men

70g sugar
120ml molasses or black treacle (will pour better if warmed)
2 tsp ground ginger
1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1/2 cup butter or soy margarine (1 stick), cut into chunks
1 large egg (substitute!), beaten You're going to be beaten if you don't stop marking up my book, all right? Enough is enough!
425g all-purpose flour

1. Put sugar, molasses, and spices in a saucepan and heat to boiling over medium flame, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and stir in soda—it should foam up, beware! Stir in fakebutter until melted. Stir in fake egg, then flour.

2. On a lightly floured surface, knead dough until thoroughly mixed.

3. Preheat oven to 165 degrees C (Gas 3). With floured rolling pin, roll dough until 6mm thick. Cut out shapes. Place biscuits, 1/2 inch apart, on ungreased large baking sheet.

4. Bake biscuits 12 minutes or until edges begin to brown. Cool biscuits on a wire rack.

5. When biscuits are cool, decorate if desired. Store in a tightly covered container (with waxed paper between layers, if decorated) at room temperature for up to 2 weeks, or in freezer for up to 3 months.


Here is your very own cookery notebook—you can mark it up as much as you like, but leave mine alone from now own. I mean it. Or I'll take the labels off all the spices, or something else really drastic. Consider yourself threatened.


Harry Potter-Black's Totally Vegan Chocolate Cake of Doom

200g flour
130g sugar
3 tblsp cocoa or carob powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt
4 tblsp oil
1 tsp vanilla
1 tblsp vinegar
225ml cold water

1. In a bowl, stir together dry ingredients. Make three holes in it. Put oil in one hole, vanilla in the second, and vinegar in the third. Cover with water and mix.

2. Pour into greased or papered 9" cake pan. Bake at 180°C (Gas 4) for 35 minutes. There are no eggs, so you can take it out of the oven when it is still goopy—just like fudge brownies!


Hijiki Is Good For You!

50g hijiki seaweed
1 piece usu-age (thin fried) tofu cut into thin strips
Some boiled soybeans
Some grated carrot
Maybe some green beans or asparagus, steamed, if you've got some
Some konnyaku (devil's tongue jelly), if you have any, cut into tiny strips

1. Wash the hijiki and soak (about 20 minutes)—it gets six times bigger in water! That's pretty cool….
2. Put one tablespoon of oil into a saucepan and stir-fry the hijiki.
3. Add the rest of the ingredients.
4. Add 450ml of VEGAN dashi or other soup stock and three tblsp of sugar (or mirin or sake if your dad'll let you touch them). Simmer for five minutes, and then add 2 tblsp of soy sauce. Boil off at least a third of the liquid, and enjoy!

( Hijiki is a good source of iron, protein, calcium, zinc, and iodine. Also inorganic arsenic! Did you know that?)

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