Rating: NC17 for het sex between two men. Kind of.
Warnings: kinky knicker spell
Disclaimer: JKR owns all, I own nothing
Summary: Sirius helps James get over virginity anxiety with a little help from Lily's knickers. For the flowingink inanimate object challenge.
“So,” James said, “what's your big plan?”
Sirius smirked. “Well, as I understand it, you’re nervous about doing it with Lily for the first time. And I thought, well, any really good prank we plan, what do we always do beforehand?”
James shrugged. “We give it a dry run.”
“But—this is sex, Padfoot, we’re talking about.”
“So it’ll be more of a wet run.” Sirius flopped down on the bed next to James. “Just to practice some moves, like.”
“Lily’d kill me if I started feeling up some girl. I’m starting to feel the tightening fingers of doom curling around my neck even now.”
“You forget I’m a genius. You don’t need a real girl, I’ll just play the part.” James’ expression was rapidly approaching screaming horror, and Sirius leapt up again, launching himself off the bed and drawing the bedcurtains dramatically. “It’s not that mad, really, Jamie, just you wait.” There were some slithery clothing-type noises. “You might want to remind yourself that you’re the one who sought me out, eager to partake of my experience.”
“Pads, if you’re naked, I’m going to kick your arse so hard you’ll be sneezing through it.”
“I’m doing this for you, Prongs, you might show some respect. Right. Now we set the stage. You’ve got Lily alone in the dorm, the door is locked, the room is silenced, the light is dim–all you have to do is seduce her.” There was a pause. “Remember–girls hate being laughed at.” Sirius pulled open the curtains. And James choked.
Sirius was wearing his robes open over a white blouse and a uniform skirt. His hair was held away from his face with a gold butterfly-shaped clip that James was sure was Lily’s.
“you’ve got tits, Pads.”
Sirius put his hands on his hips. “If the first thing out of your mouth when you see Lily is ‘you’ve got tits’ you’ll be lucky to see your seventeenth birthday. Seduction tip number one: no mentioning anatomy. No tits, twats, cocks, buttons of love, rampant rods of manhood, or anything else.”
James snickered. “Lily’s knees aren’t half as hairy.”
“Seduction tip number two, busy lad, aren’t you? Never tell a girl she’s hairy, or has a spot, or is a bit of a pudge. One-way ticket to going back to wanking in the shower.”
“What if she had great long hairs growing out of her ears?”
“Then you get a deserving third party–Remus, say–to point it out. And then you beat him up.”
“So what am I supposed to do, Pads?”
“See if you can get me down to the knickers.” Sirius grinned. “They’re Lily’s. Nicked ‘em from the laundry myself. Amazing what you can do with dirty knickers.”
James narrowed his eyes and stood up slowly. He took two steps to where Sirius stood, watching him warily. Then he grabbed Sirius’ head, one hand on either side, and kissed him. When Sirius kissed back, James slid his hands down to his shoulders and pushed off the robe, pulling Sirius close. He traced patterns with his fingers across Sirius’ back.
Breaking off the kiss, he smiled hesitantly. “Come to bed, Pads?”
Sirius looked at him. “‘Lily.’ You don’t want to get used to saying my name in bed. And I really think you ought to say something more passionate. Complement her.”
“You’re beautiful? I love you? Come to bed?”
“Work on it.” Sirius sat down on the bed. James knelt beside him, his fingers working on the blouse’s buttons. “Have you gone this far with her?”
“We’ve gone just about as far as we can go without, well, you know.” James slipped the blouse off and tossed it on the side table.
“If the bra goes the tits do, too,” Sirius warned, pulling James’ shirt over his head.
“Then it stays. You should really grow some of your own–they suit.”
“Bugger off, James.”
James pushed him back on the bed, his mouth trailing kisses down Sirius’ neck and along his collarbone. “You’ll just have to imagine the things my tongue does here,” he said, patting the well-stuffed bra.
“Oh, James, that drives me wild.”
James snorted. “Lily’d never say that.”
Sirius fixed him with a hard glare. “And what do you think you’re going to do now, Potter?”
James winced. “Yes, that’s more like it.” He trailed his fingers lightly up and down Sirius’ sides. Sirius… twitiched. “I want to be with you, Lily, I want to make love to you.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready for this, James.”
James shifted up to kiss Sirius with a sort of desperate passion. “Will you try with me? Just say the word and I’ll stop, I promise.”
“Seduction tip number three–you really do have to stop if she says so. Even if you’re this close to coming.”
“I’m not a complete ass.”
“You’d be surprised how many people are,” Sirius said darkly.
“Are you saying you want to stop, Lils?”
“Do you have, you know, protection?”
James froze. “Do I have what?”
Sirius groped under the mattress and came up with a small red box. “I will give you these because I love you, Jamie. Condoms, you great prat, no Muggle-born’ll put all her trust in a spell. No one ought to, anyway,” he added. “You do know your basic sex spells, don’t you?”
Sirius slapped the side of James’ head hard. “You bloody well better get them memorized before you have Evans where I am now. Consider that Tip number four. So, back to our question: do you have protection?”
“I am well covered–ow! Yes, I do.”
“Right. So then you need to make her all relaxed and wanting you. Gotten your hands in her knickers yet?”
“Once or twice.” James slid one hand up along the inside of Sirius’ leg, under his skirt. Sirius covered his hand with his own, preventing further northern exploration.
“So you know the point is to get the natural lubrication going. For the purposes of demonstration, there’s a very handy charm that can be done with dirty knickers.” And Sirius removed his hand. James let his fingers inch upwards and then snatched his hand back in shock.
“Good god, Padfoot, what did you do?” Sitting heavily across Sirius’ knees he lifted the skirt, gaped, and let it drop from numb fingers.
“It’s a simple Crotch Transference Charm. The crotch of the knickers turns into the bits of the person who wore them.”
James covered his face with his hands. “Who besides you would do it, though?” He lifted the skirt again. “Does it not bother you that your cock is totally gone?”
“Look inside the knickers.” James did. Inside: Sirius Black. Outside: Lily Evans.
“Are these knickers, ah, functional?” he asked suspiciously.
Sirius waved a hand airily. “With a bit of anatomical reassignment.”
“So–you’re a nubile, fuckable virgin at my total mercy, are you?”
“Lily would curse your balls off if you said that, I think.”
James unbuttoned the skirt and pulled it down, leaving Sirius wearing only a bra, a pair of extremely obscene knickers, and a lascvicious leer. He used his knee to spread Sirius’ legs and let his fingers explore what he hoped would become familiar territory. Lily was a great one for fumbling around under clothes, but he had never seen her naked, actually. Now he looked good and hard, smirking as his fingers elicited little noises from Sirius.
“That feel good, does it?” he murmured.
“Yes, keep up with that, eh, Jamie,” Sirius said, a bit breathlessly.
James bent forward and licked the spot he had been touching, and Sirius nearly levitated off the bed. A hand tangled itself in his hair, pushing him back down. He obliged, licking and teasing and sucking until Sirius cried out, his whole body convulsing.
“My turn now, I think,” James said, and pushed down his trousers and underpants together. He jerked as Sirius’ hands found his cock, rolling the condom down its length in a way that made his eyes roll back in his head.
“Sex tip number five: you don’t want the first time to hurt, do you?” James looked at him, eyes round behind his round glasses, and shook his head. “Then you want the Hymen-breaching Charm, which is shojomakubiraki–“ Sirius blinked in surprise–"and which feels a little weird, you might want to warn her.” Sirius guided James’ cock to his entrance. “So we have lubrication, hymen taken care of, protection on. Your show, Prongs.”
James looked down and smiled. “I love you, Lily.” He pushed in slowly, not stopping until he was fully sheathed. Sirius shifted beneath him. “Am I hurting you?”
“Ah–no. Just that matter of anatomical reassignment. Pay no attention.”
James blanched. “I’m not even going to think about that.”
“Er. No. Think about Lily. Better yet, kiss Lily.”
“Lily never gives me stubble burns,” James said, but captured Sirius’ mouth with his own as he began thrusting, slowly at first and then harder. Sirius wrapped his legs around his waist, and James braced himself up on his arms. It was Lily’s name he cried out as he came, shuddering. He leant down for a final messy, sweat-tasting kiss before collapsing on the bed next to Sirius.
“So that’s it?” he asked when his breathing had returned to normal. Sirius gave him a Look. “Right, right. That was incredible, I love you so much, you’re a goddess and I worship you with my body. I feel a right fool saying these things to you, Pads.”
“You can never say too many good things about someone you love.”
James nodded. “Right, right.” He fished his shirt up off the floor and pulled it on. Sirius sat up and removed the bra. James made a bit of a production of untangling his underpants from his trousers and putting them both on (and then yanking them both down to get the condom off, and doing them up again). By the time he’d finished Sirius had the knickers off and was wearing his own trousers.
“You might want to take a shower, Prongs, before Evans gets back from Hogsmeade. You smell like sex.”
James froze. “Yes. I reckon I ought to do that now,” he said, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Thanks for the education, Pads. Hopefully I’ll be getting up to no good soon.”
Sirius patted him on the head in a fatherly kind of way. “That’s my boy.”
“You great git.”
Sirius dangled the knickers. “Pop these in the laundry on your way to the showers, would you?”
“Will do.” James opened the door. “See you at dinner then, Pads.” He whistled a little under his breath as he left.
James, as a Mature Adult, did not gloat but was understatedly casual in the way he let his friends know that he and Lily Evans had finally Done It. Modesty itself, he gave Sirius ample credit for the benefit of his vast experience with the fair sex.
Afterwards, Remus cornered Sirius in the washroom.
“What’s James on about?” he said, narrowing his eyes. “I thought you were the great closet virgin, Sirius. Saving it for your one true love.”
Sirius smiled in a way calculated to drive Remus out of his mind with curiosity.
“Not anymore,” he said.